Twenty - one

The day started badly. Radlie my sweet lab/dane hasn't been doing real well. He's 15 1/2 years old and I think I will need to make a decision on his quality of life very soon. He's been a constant source of joy since I adopted him more than 14 years ago. I cannot imagine life without him.

I remember how I use to tell him that he had to live to be 15 years old. It seemed like a far off time, a dream really, considering he’s a big dog. But here we are at 15, should I have asked him for more? The amazing thing is that his health is wonderful, bloodwork near perfect. It’s the neurological issues in his rear-end that’s the problem. Luckily, they say there is no pain and indeed the problem is that he cannot feel where his back legs are and that’s why walking has become more and more difficult.

I always thought the end would be more cut and dry. I guess I always assumed he would develop some disease like cancer or some kind of organ failure, I don’t know what specifically, just something that would make the decision clear. But more often I hoped really hard that he would let me know when he needed to go, I would kiss his soft temple, thank him for sharing the his life with me and he would go quickly and painlessly in his sleep. I guess that isn’t going to happen. I am going to have to make the decision.

14.5 years ago when I adopted him, he promised to be the best dog in the world and to bring joy and love to my life. I promised to care for him and love him and someday to helped him fight when he wanted to fight and help him go when he is ready to go.
He has so beautifully fulfilled his part of the promise; I pray that, when the time comes, I have the strength to fulfill mine.



So yeah, the day started badly. I was crying on the way to Fiesta Island for my run. I cried during the warm up walk and cried for the first few minutes of the run. I ran with just my thoughts. I didn't feel like listening to music.

As I ran my mood improved and I was able to think of other things for a time, it was a decent run.